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Idiot! Read my lips —

mercy is for wimps!

Without a doubt, Kefka has the best lines of Final Fantasy VI. He has so many wonderfully memorable quotes! Seriously, very few of them do not deserve mention. As you might have noticed, the headers for each page have been Kefka quotes — all of them, plus some more, are here.

These are all taken from the Final Fantasy VI Advance script (transcribed by ZFS and used with permission), because Ted Woolsey bugs me. If I can help it, only Kefka's lines will be shown, but if there's important dialogue in the middle it'll be duly noted. Note that when it says "Party," it's referring to the player characters (sometimes they aren't given names in situations but it's more of a general statement).

Kefka: My sweet little magic user... Uwee-hee-hee! With this slave crown, you'll be all mine! Uwee-hee-hee! Good, good! Burn them all to a crisp!

Kefka: Phooey! Emperor Gesthal's stupid orders! Edgar, you pinhead! Why do you have to live out in the middle of a stinking desert? These recon jobs are the pits! Ahem! There's SAND on my boots!
Soldiers: All gone, sir!
Kefka: How pathetic!
Figaro Guard: Sir Kefka!? What in the world brings you--
Kefka: Out of my way!

Kefka: A girl of no importance recently escaped from us. We heard she found refuge here.
Edgar: This wouldn't have to do with that "witch" everyone's been whispering about, would it?
Kefka: Lies! She merely stole something of minor value! Is she here?
Edgar: That's a tough one... There are more girls in here than grains of sand in the desert. A man couldn't possibly keep track of them all!
Kefka: Oh, Edgar... You know you only stand to lose from trying to hide her from us! Hee-hee-hee... I truly hope nothing happens to your precious Figaro!

Kefka: Bring me the girl. Now!
Edgar: I have no idea what you're talking about!
Kefka: Oh? Then...enjoy the barbecue! Hee-hee-hee!

Kefka: Had a change of heart?
Edgar: It seems I have no choice... ...Or perhaps I do!
Kefka: Oh, my! The brave and noble king abandons his people to save his own skin! How utterly delightful! Hee-hee-hee!

Kefka: Go! KILL THEM!!!

Kefka: Son of a sandworm! You'll pay for this!

Kefka: Hey, you! You keeping a sharp lookout? Hmm?
Soldier: Yes, sir! Kefka, sir! What a pleasant surprise! How are you today, sir?
Kefka: Please, spare me your petty small talk! Just do your job! And don't let me catch you slacking, or I'll make you regret being born!

Kefka: Once Leo's gone, I can turn this water into a flowing river of posion! Anyone who touches it'll be pushing up daisies! Hee-hee...
Leo: I'm afraid the emperor has called me back home. Try not to cause any trouble in my absence.
Kefka: Hmph! I'll take care of things fast than you ever would!
Leo: Nothing dirty, Kefka! They may be our enemies, but they're still human beings. Try not to forget that.
Kefka: We needn't show mercy to those who side with the Returners. ...Which is good, because I never seem to have any of the stuff.

Kefka: Is the poison ready?
Soldier: But, General Leo said--
Kefka: Leo's not here anymore. I'm in charge now. Fork it over!
Soldier: Some of our people are being held prisoner inside the castle! If any of them were to drink the water...
Kefka: Who cares? They're the ones who were stupid enough to get caught by the enemy!
Party: You're inhuman!
Kefka: Gah...! Pests at every turn! Guess I'll have to take care of you, too!

Kefka: Yeouch!!!
Sabin: Kefka! Wait!
Kefka: "Wait," he says... Do I look like a waiter?

Kefka: *gasp*... *pant*... You just don't give up, do you?

Kefka: Gah! how long do you expect me to put up with this? Next time I won't hold back! Oh, gripe! This is getting tiresome. Hey, you! Handle the rest!

Kefka: Hee-hee... Nothing beats the sweet music of hundreds of voices screaming in unison! Uwee-hee-hee!

Kefka: I don't care what you have to do, just get me that esper!
Soldier: Kefka, sir... What about the civilians?
Kefka: What about them? Kill them all!
Soldier: But, sir, Narshe is a neutral city...!
Kefka: Idiot! Read my lips — mercy is for wimps! There's a reason "oppose" rhymes with "dispose"... If they get in your way, kill them! March!

Kefka: Oh...! If it isn't General Celes, the traitor! Excellent! Now I won't have to hunt you down later! Go! Get those vile insects!

Kefka: Grr... Don't think you've won! Grr! I won't forget this!

Kefka: I'm a god! I'm all-powerful! Uwee-hee-hee... I'll collect more espers... I'll extract their magic... And then... ... ... I'll revive the Warring Triad! I've already drained all your powers! You're useless to me now! You too! Take a hike!

Kefka: Oh, I see! Magicite...! Excellent work, Cid!
Kefka: General Celes! We needn't keep up the charade any longer. Bring me those magicite crystals!
Locke: Celes! You...tricked us!?
Celes: Of course not! Please, trust me!
Kefka: Hee-hee-hee! The sweet taste of betrayal! Oh, Celes! That's so...you!
Celes: Locke... Believe me...
Locke: I... ... ...
Kefka: NOW! Kill them all!
Celes: Locke... Let me protect you for once... And maybe... maybe then you'll believe me.
Kefka: Celes! Wh-what are you doing?! Stop!!!

Kefka: Crud! What a mess! Hee-hee-hee! You're not getting away from me!

Kefka: Uwee-hee-hee!!! Just like the emperor said! "Give them Terra, and they'll open the gate for us!"
Party: ...!
Kefka: In other words... You've been playing into our hands all along! Hee-hee-hee... I have no business with you. I'm here to open the way to my promised glory!
Party: You'd better think again, Kefka!
Kefka: Oh dear... You want to fight, don't you? This is just dreadful!
Party: ...We have to keep Kefka busy until Terra slips through the gate!
Kefka: Oh! Th-the door is opening!
Terra: Espers... Heed my call...
Kefka: It's open! It's open!
Party: Terra!
Kefka: I...I...I've got a bad feeling about this! Something's coming this way! Oh, such frightful energy! Gwaaah!!!

Kefka: Gah! How dare they put me in a place like this! ...Hmph! I just can't believe it! What a bore.

Kefka: Uwee-hee-hee...! How about a little Magitek mayhem?
Leo: Kefka! What do you think you're doing!?
Kefka: Hee-hee-hee... Emperor's orders! I'm to turn all these espers into magicite. Behold! A magicite mother lode! How pathetic! This little hamlet is too much "boring" and not enough "burning"... Torch everything!
Leo: Kefka! No!
Kefka: Shut up!
Leo: Kefka! I can no longer stand by while you commit these atrocities!
Kefka: Ah, Leo... Always the consummate soldier...
Leo: Where are you, Kefka? Show yourself!
Kefka: EM-PER-OR GES-THAL... ... I need you here...
Gesthal: Leo...
Leo: My liege!
Gesthal: I'm sorry I had to deceive you, Leo. It was the only way to get the magicite. You understand, don't you?
Leo: But, Emperor...
Gesthal: Don't say anything. I understand how you feel.
Kefka: Uwee-hee-hee... That's right! Our top priority is collecting magicite now!
Leo: But my liege, then... What have I been fighting for...?
Gesthal: Leo... I'd like you to take a well-earned rest... A very, very long rest! Mwa-ha-ha!
Leo: !!!
Kefka: What, you thought you actually hit me? That was an illusion — just like my Gesthal! You really are a slow one. And always, always... ALWAYS such a little goody two-shoes!!!
Leo: K-Kefka...! Y-you're insane...
Kefka: Hee-hee-hee... I'll tell your "liege" I had to dispose of a traitor! Die, die, DIE!!!

Kefka: Wh-what is this!? I feel tremendous power! Waver after wave of pure, magical energy...!

Kefka: Oh, you all showed up for my party! I wasn't expecting you guys! ...Gals? ...Whatever! But I'm so happy to see you! After all, you've brought me more presents! And they're all just what I wanted -- magicite! Well, I wouldn't want to turn you down after you came all this way! First, let's neutralize those pesky powers of yours... Now, little espers... let's see those presents!

Kefka: Eh? You wanna take me on? Fine. Here I am! Thinking you could defeat ME? How rich! Mwa-ha-ha! Come to me, my magicite pretty... Come, and help me build the Magitek Empire of Kefka! Uwee-hee-hee! Oooh! It's warm to the touch! What a lovely treasure! What a joke! I didn't know you espers were such wimps! This isn't even fun... Time to wrap things up! Hee-hee-hee! This should be plenty of magicite... Now all I need to do is claim that final treasure beyond your precious Sealed Gate! I just can't believe it!

Kefka: Kill the others and we'll forgive your treachery! Take this sword! Kill them all!
Gesthal: Celes... Together we will rule the world!
Celes: Power only breeds war... It's something we'd all be better wihout.
Kefka: Ouch! B-blood... Blood! Blood!!! You vicious brat! Argh... Grrr...! You know, you really are a stupid... Vicious... Arrogant, whiny, pampered, backstabbing, worthless... LITTLE BRAT!!! Gods, you were born to fight! Now is the time! I implore you...show me your power! Let me in here! Grrr...! Now listen to me! No more playing games! I command you... Show me your power!
Gesthal: Kefka, stop! If you revive them, they'll destroy the very world we want to rule! There's no value in that!
Kefka: Shut up!
Gesthal: Kefka! Are you mad!?
Kefka: Mad...? Emperor Gesthal, what are you saying? This is the perfect chance to show them the power of the Warring Triad!
Gesthal: Oh, Kefka... You poor, hopeless thing! I'm afraid you leave me no choice! No hard feelings, now... I'm just going to use this power you've unleashed to put you to sleep... What's so funny!? Very well... I suppose it's only fitting that you go out laughing.
FIRAGA!!!
Flare!!!
Gesthal: ...What's going on!? Why isn't my magic working!?
Meltdown!!!
Gesthal: K-Kefka! H-how...!? How are you doing this!?
Kefka: "How," you ask? By standing in the center of the Warring Triad, of course! They absorb all the magic sent their way. ...Or hadn't you noticed?
Gesthal: ...!
Kefka: Triad! Your first victim has stepped forward! Show this useless old man your true power!
Gesthal: No! Kefka! Stop playing around!
Kefka: I said, SHOW HIM YOUR POWER! In...credible... Can't you do any better than that!? You're way off! Where're you aiming!? More to the right! Run! Run! Or you'll be well done! Bull's-eye! Oh dear... Well, I guess I was a bit hasty in calling you a useless old man before... NOW you're useless!
Gesthal: The world is about to learn...the meaning of...fear...
Celes: No! Kefka! Kefka...you mustn't! If you disturb the balance... their power will run wild...!
Kefka: Who's that!? Oof!
Shadow: Go! Forget about me! Run! There's no stopping this now! I'll find my way back! Trust me!
Kefka: You can't escape me!

Kefka: Welcome, friends! I knew you'd come, so I've been practicing my greeting!
Party: How much do you have to destroy before you'll have had your fill, Kefka!?
Kefka: I've acquired the ultimate power! Observe... Such magnificent power! You're all nothing more than fleas compared to me now! Embrace your destruction... It is the fate of all things.
Party: To be destroyed? Maybe it is! But people can always rebuild, and new lives will always be born!
Kefka: And time will destroy all of those as well. Why do people insist on creating things that will inevitably be destroyed? Why do people cling to life, knowing that they must someday die? ...Knowing that none of it will have meant anything once they do?
Terra: Because it's not the end that matters! It's knowing that you have something to live for right now, at this moment! Something you've worked for... something that's worth protecting! As long as you have that...that's enough!
Kefka: And did you all find your "somethings" in this broken world that just won't die?
Party: Yes!
Terra: Love!
Locke: A person worth protecting.
Cyan: A wife and child who live on within me.
Shadow: Friends...and family.
Edgar: A peaceful kingdom.
Sabin: A loving brother who always looks out for me! Gah-ha-ha-ha!
Celes: Someone willing to accept me for who I am.
Strago: An adorable little granddaughter.
Relm: An obnoxious grandpa...who I couldn't live without!
Setzer: Wings from a dear old friend!
Mog: New pals, kupo!
Kefka: Bleh! You people make me sick! You sound like lines from a self-help book! If that's how it's going to be... I'll snuff them all out! Every last one of your sickening, happy little reasons for living!
Party: No, Kefka, stop!
Kefka: I wield the greatest power in existence! You may as well be the dirt on the bottom of my boots! Or the dirt stuck to the bottom of that dirt!
Party: You can't destroy everything! People will always have dreams!
Kefka: No! I'll destroy the entire world! There won't be anything left to dream about!
Party: We won't let you hurt any more people!
Kefka: Hee-hee-hee! But what fun is destruction if no "precious" lives are lost?
Party: It ends here, Kefka!
Kefka: Life... Dreams... Hope... Where do they come from? And where do they go...? Such meaningless things... I'll destroy them all!
The end draws near...

Kefka = love. :D